Mindfulness is bloody hard

This is one of the most difficult concepts for me to not argue against. What do meeeeaaaannnn I’m not my thoughts and feelings?!? Of course I am! Oh wait, thank gods I’m not. With a brain that runs a hundred directions at once, really, thank gods I am not.

My essence, my love that is life force, the whatsit in us that drives and powers all that is, I know are not my thoughts and feelings. It is so much more and so much less than the story in my head. In those sparse and atm rare moments that I remember this, I find peace within.

The Pagan Experience blog project – week 1 – intentions for 2015

I am joining (a bit late) and we’ll see how it goes, yes? A prompt is offered for the beginning of each week and you write a post about the prompt. My first couple of posts will be decidedly short as I catch up, and the subjects don’t really need a lot of words, even for me.

WK 1- Jan. 5- Resolutions– What are your intentions for this new year? How will you find the resolve to bring them into your manifest life?

My intentions are to remain as present and conscious as possible to what I am filling my time and therefore myself with. I want to devote the extra time I have to things that make me lighter instead of heavier. Things that will bring Joy and not feel like a burden. I will have a morning practice that I do after coffee, but before the internet time suck happens. I will make sure of this by setting a timer that will remind me. That practice may change shape over time and more might be added, but the first one must be something that lightens my spirit.

Monday blogging – Tai Chi and Feri

Tai Chi is all about about core energy. I am best at pulling energy through my feet because that’s how I learned it. And I move it through all of me, swirl it in my belly, snake it through legs and arms, stir it with my hands, and lift it through my crown. Tai Chi so far has been so much thinking. Every move starts in the feet. Energy push here, exhale there, don’t get tangled and fall. I started with the smallest easiest form. It is also the slowest moving, which for Tai Chi is saying a lot. I thought this would be good for my impatience. I suppose it is, but I battle Get It Done! quickness every time I start. Once I slow down and get in the groove I can stay there, but with all the thinking required at first when learning it is hard to get out of my head and appreciate the energy shifting in my body.

But I’m getting there. The first 6 moves I can get out of my head. The second six still involve much thinking, but I haven’t been practicing as I should so … there’s that. I restart classes next week. I will have the second set of 6 moves by memory by then. Then we’re moving on to moves in Part II in prep for a workshop in the September with Dr. Lam (who is in the video at the link). Next fall we’ll be doing Sun Style 73 forms and the location is different.

I restart classes next Monday (switching from Wednesday’s class so my TC buddy and I can be in the same class) and this session lasts 12 weeks. Because I now am doing less thinking I want to incorporate more specific energy from my religion. I’m going to see what I can do with the Star Goddess and the lemniscate Gods since the SG at my core and the lemniscate Gods around my core fit perfectly with the rounded figure eight shapes native to Tai Chi. This makes sense to me in so many ways. It will put me a back in a my head for awhile, but I want to see what I can do with the energy. I want to play with it and incorporate Tai Chi moves into my religious practice. I have no general qualms with the philosophy associated with TC, but I want my own People there. So this should be fun!

Feeding the Soul

One thing I’ve noticed as a common thread through those who have been initiated is a noticeable heels-dug-in attitude of no longer being satisfied with lots of filler or meaningless junk taking up life’s time. Feeding the soul becomes a huge part of The Work. Shifting and sorting, tossing out the useless and carving space for that which feeds the core. For me, Joy is what I feed. Food comes in many forms, but I have go-to’s that serve me well: music and art, connecting and laughing, creating magical items, and tiny touches throughout my day that remind why I yearn to feel deeply and how I reach toward that Joy.

Some people cut the space from part of their free time that already exists, but most cut more than they had before initiation. A drive inside is ignited that insists on being noticed and tended. We can’t all quit our day jobs, but finding ones that don’t strangle the bright spark that fires Fetch becomes an insistent nagging. Career changes or modifications often accompany this push in whatever manner is feasible to make our time not only count, but insist that it serve us in ways and depths we hadn’t yet tapped.

This I think is a lot of what seekers notice in those initiated (and perhaps in those thoroughly dedicated, yet for whom no formal rite of passage has been performed). Seekers notice the flame inside and the turn to a different value set where priorities have been upended and reordered like a tipped box full of memories cleaned up – memories of who we are, who we wanted to be when we first formed those thoughts as a child, and who we live to be in our future.

This thing, this impetus to pursue only those endeavors that can sate our hungry soul is a thing that marks us. It is seen. The Divine gleam that runs through each of us shines brighter, clearer, and far more potently than it did before and others notice. It pulls those wishing a mystic path and the tug brings apprentice to mentor. Knowledge, tools, skills, energy – passed from one human to another,  over, up, and down to the Gods, wrapped around Ancestors and Descendants and back again. This is the way it has always been. This is the way it will always be. The continuity, the flow, the forever memory of the passing – it feeds all of us. And we plant our futures in our students. Gladly so. We are part of the process, essential to and yet a tiny piece of the eternal process of being.

Blessed Bee.