Let’s say two of my favorite chants today. LOL Two links for you that go to Dropbox.
Category: calling
Grief is Chaos
Grief is a slippery, dancing, horrible, unavoidable thing. We have so many ways to talk about it, even us deathworkers. We talk about moving with and through it. We say blessings to others of peace and strength. Sometimes we discuss “getting to the other side” of it. Grief isn’t a wall you scale (though it can feel that way). There isn’t a line you finally step over where all of present life returns to the sharp focus of before the grief. Your first grief (though you were too young to know its name) is like your first time having sex, the you afterward can never be the you that was prior to the experience. There is no returning to them.
When the world shatters you into grief, it is chaos. Loving someone, some thing, any thing means you’ve struck a bargain with grief. When it stomps through the door, it shoves you down, hard. You struggle for air, the rooms are topsy turvy. Everything tilts, shimmers like mirages, and nothing fits – furniture is uncomfortable, clothes rub the wrong way, sounds are deafening or whispers. You are upside down, floating in a debris field you cannot dodge.
As time moves around you there is less debris, but you see it in the edges of your vision. Chaos lessens, but doesn’t become order. Eventually it settles into a still pool deep within you. As long as nothing ripples the surface, you do feel some peace and can plot your way through this new normalcy.
One pebble. That’s it. One tiny pebble and your still pool splashes that grief back up through your soul, scorching, shoving you down, teeth bared, gleefully taking its next chunk.
What time does is make the splashes smaller, mostly. Until the pebble is a rock. Then, chaos. Grief doesn’t give way to order. Grief gives way to knowledge. Grief imparts wisdom from that still pool that stays behind. Grief schools us on surviving loss, on the price of love, and on our blessed mortality.
I’m not quite cruel enough to say, “embrace the chaos”. You can’t fully prepare for it. Everyone gets the chaos, there is no secret back path around it. You can expect it. However, walking around every day expecting grief is no way to live. Best when chaos hits to simply remember it. Remember, because you’ve encountered grief since you were born. Remember eventually it settles into a still pool. When it does, embrace the life you’re living as well as you’re able to in that moment until it’s disturbed, again.
As a Deathworker and intimate partner with Chaos, perhaps you were hoping I’d have better advice, a faster fix. This is the best I’ve got because I too signed those contracts with the blood of incarnation – to love means to grieve later, to take a first breath means to exhale a last one. May we all love and live fully making those contracts worth our blood. Hail!
Thoughts thru the Maze – who is the monster at the center of the labyrinth?
Is it me? Is it you? My thoughts run frantically after each other, twisting in confusion. I search for the path to the center. Was there a minotaur, or simply a mirror? When does a hospice worker get to say, “nope, not you”? Do you get to say bugger off to your calling? When seeking advice from the Ancestors, why do they snort-laugh and shrug?
Answers in order: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Whenever. Sure. Because they can.
If I can find a way to decipher my feelings around the situation it will all become clear, yes? Does a soul-cleanser get to say, “Not my job. I’m not the only Worker here”? Are there guns involved, and if so, what caliber? Will regret be involved? Does that change anything?
Answers: Same as the first set, choose as appropriate.
Decisions that shift hourly are exhausting. Life is exhausting. Death is exhausting. Sleep will be a temporary relief.
Manifesting to Fullness
At times I forget how much the Universe enjoys assisting in the process of manifestation. Speak your desires, take actions to support them, and notice when the Web of All That Is shakes the strings a bit to facilitate what manifests. For maximum manifestation of desires to be achieved I believe we work hand-in-hand with Creation, each needing the other for fullness.
I’ve been clearing my spiritual plate of all the items that were too shiny to pass on in the moment, but don’t serve the direction I’m heading in. I desire to make room for what is most fulfilling, what brings me the most joy, and what sends useful energy out into the world – the three of those together are the criteria for a thing being an emphasis in my life.
Discernment can be quite difficult when you are attracted to all the glittering bits and I was being easily distracted, so I wiped the plate. *boom* Empty. The decision of what to add back, what new things to plop on it, felt very intimidating at first, so I rode that scary part like the experienced rider I know that I am. I created my criteria to facilitate success from my end while trusting the Universe when something unanticipated is removed from my plate without direct action from me.
It’s an interesting time. Some things I feel will again be in my life in a few months, others I’m releasing indefinitely. In the meanwhile, I can feel the return of space in my breathing, that small pause between inhale and exhale where anything feels possible. What a delight!
“The Barefoot Artist” (movie)
I came across this movie on Netflix and the description was intriguing even though I’m not generally one to be intrigued by documentaries. This one hit all of my points of things-I-find-comfort-and-use-in. Artist me! Witch Me! Community Me! The Dead Me! Ancestral Healing Me! Philosophical Me!
It is a portrait of one privileged fallible authentic Chinese woman as she struggled to find the place that her passions intersect with humanity. So worth watching, even if you disagree with how she decides to engage that intersection. I am happy to have seen it.
Durga and Medusa deity oil blends added to shop! Plus 25 percent off Promo Code
New deity blends in the shop! Durga and Medusa!
New sizes, lower prices.
****25% any purchase of $50 or more now through the end of the year! COUPON CODE: 25PERCENT2016. Discount applied at checkout.
DURGA
MEDUSA
What to do, what to do
I tend to side-eye myself (I use a mirror?) when coincidences pop up and I think, “aha! Connection! Intelligent Universe!” I seem to give more grace to other folks’ coincidences than to my own. Now, I do believe some things are only coincidence, and other things not, and the latter is more common as a rule.
I don’t jump to Reason It’s Written in Destiny™ straight off. I wait to see if anything else shows up. At times I feel a push to do a thing, with no known reason for the pushing to be as hard and urgent as it feels. Take for instance collecting the moon water at the ocean last week. I mean sure – witchywoohoo why not? But it felt like a mandate more than a desire. I’ve learned not to question so much and just do in those situations, and allow myself to wonder later when I’ll know why.
Yesterday I was told stories by a woman of her visit to Standing Rock to deliver supplies to the water protectors there. I’m not going to tell her stories here, they are hers to tell in her own blog. She talked of elders reskilling tribal members in the old ways of their traditions: herbs, and medicines, and blessings – especially the water blessings with wonderful details. There was a story of moondancers and a water blessing that reminded me much of the Waters of the World spell in my own tradition and we talked about this.
My friend had just stopped for the night, a pitstop on her way back home. As she thanked me for the couch of hospitality she reached into her car and pulled out a bit of sage from Standing Rock. She handed it to me as a thank you. I was touched. As I held that sage I thought of the moondancers and their water blessing. I thought of the moonwater I’d collected on a whim. I didn’t even side-eye myself, I just smiled.
These 3 things need to be put together as a working for the waters and the protectors. They have a purpose beyond the obvious. Mystery – how it arrives, what it holds, and what is released as it manifests is a big part of the draw to my path. What to do with these 3 things remains to be discovered, but once done I will again feel Mystery’s Touch. May I never tire of it.
Drumming with my djembe
I cracked open the Jim Donovan DVD again and practiced rhythms while the hubster was upstairs playing the guitar. As usual the wee bagel dog is terrified of the drum. I’m getting more consistent tones with both hands, but I’m still better with my right hand for base notes. I find that weird since I’m left handed. Open notes are fairly even, and the slap notes are the same in volume, but the hits sound different to me, like I’m hitting with different parts of my hands.
I self-taught some beats and a number of rhythms years ago and though the sounds are the same as the ones on the DVD, I’m using my hands in different order than I’m supposed to so I’m trying to correct that. It’s hard. But fun. *grin*
I need to buy a frame drum with a synthetic head. The humidity here makes mine with the real head unplayable for half of the year. ~sigh~ MUSIC GOALS! I HAZ ‘EM!
I need to note this – extra active Spirits
I’ve been meaning to “note this somewhere” and here is as good as any place, yes? Starting about mid-August I’ve noticed unusually active spirits, sprites, Beloved Dead, and various other flitting-about Energies. Generally these are always around, seen when looking, and more easily visible as the veil thins towards Samhain. But this year, this year, they are early and active, like whoa.
It has been a distraction especially while driving. They are not fluttery wisps, they are dense and quick. So much so I’ve been reacting as if pedestrians are about to rush in front of my car. It is quite unnerving when I’m behind the wheel. I cannot fathom what it’s going to be like once we’re at Samhain, but I’m rather excited to find out. Hail our (often) Unseen!
Sitting Vigil and Sacred Presence
I signed up for a sacred presence e-course in November of last year. It centered around sitting with the dying. There was no new information for me in it as I had hoped there might be, but really, what “new” could there be? Once you learn sacred presence it is always there for you. However, good came from taking this course. The knowledge that it is being taught, that the information is out there and available in a coherent easy to digest way is a very good thing. The number of students engaging authentically and with love in the forums was also a very good thing to witness.
Our country has a sizable older population, and the baby boomers will be dying in large groups, so to speak. It is past time to become more comfortable with death. It is past time to treat it as a natural event, a sacred event, that we all will share. Many folks want to be present for their dying loved ones, but we don’t teach them how to be. For those like me, who walk the edge and assist the dying, it becomes a comfortable place because of the pure sacredness of being present (physically and spiritually) while somebody transitions from this life.
It is an experience of honour that is ineffable. It is an act done without thoughts of “what’s in it for me?” because always always always it is about the person doing the dying, not the folks doing the living around them. Those not dying get much time to process their grief later, after the dying have completed their process. Maintaining focus on the dying is the point, sacred presence allows that. It is a gift for the dying. It turns out is is a gift for the ones who vigil, also. Sacred presence must come from within, and holding it benefits all who are present around this sacred, beautiful transition.
Hail our Beloved Dead. Hail.
LEAN IN TO JOY with BONEWEAVER 