And There I Went (Aspecting Death)
And there I went,
BlackHeart open
leaking ebony,
Nimue’s spark in the juices;
There I ran,
gashed arms,
pink bright trust
flowing from upturned wrists;
There I sat,
rushing red rivers
of Death and Life
thrusting through my core;
There I spoke,
painting words,
brilliant Blue Fire
ringing in ears not my own;
There I returned,
violet intimacy
splattering Godself,
coursing down my aching back.
In Service.
©Boneweaver/Pamela V Jones July 2014
I so feel this. (literally feel it.)
I used to sing Ani DiFranco’s song “As Is” and think of others. Now I think of myself.
And I’ve got
No illusions about you
Guess what?
I never did
When I said
When I said I’ll take it
I meant,
I meant as is.
I have a body. I am a body.
My body is many things. My body is soft and supple. My body is flexible and strong. My body is prone to allergies and skin irritations. My body is ample hips and delicious curves. My body is endometriosis and blond hair. My body is tiny wrists and scoliosis. My…
View original post 609 more words
“Compassion for self first” was and still is the only message ever to come to me from Quan Yin since way back when I built my first altar and it was for Her. Having a camp week focused on a story surrounding Her didn’t change that message, though the story message of camp was more about sacrificing for the good of the community as fits the dominant culture from which Quan Yin arose.
This can be a problematic concept for a community that states frequently and vehemently, “You are your own spiritual authority.” So how to mesh the two seemingly opposite views? First you need to break down what sacrifice means. If one of the definitions of sacrifice means to offer up something and make it sacred in the doing then we can see ways to sacrifice that fits our culturally opposite idea of individuality and personal authority.
Sacred Wound
“As seed making begins with the wounding of the ovum by the sperm,
so does soulmaking begin with the wounding of the psyche by the Larger Story.” ~Jean Houston
If I offer up on the altar of life a piece of me that serves my community, it is a gift giving. It is not something that removes anything from me and in the giving I make that piece sacred. If I offer up parts of me that have been wounded, but I don’t live in the pain of that wounding and instead write a new story of Who I Am afterward then the wound itself becomes sacred and my story afterward becomes my gift to my community.
For me to be able to offer such a thing I must first hold that piece of reality that truth has wounded in my soul’s core. I must hold my old story that no longer fits me in my new reality, see the wound created by that, value it for the healing properties that it has, and have enough compassion for myself to see that wound as a gateway, not a barrier to a new, more powerful, and authentic story for myself. By doing this I embody the powerful healing that occurs and I now have the opportunity to be more than the wound, more than my old story. By creating a new story and writing new patterns for myself I shift which then shifts the realities of those around me. This serves my community. This sacrifice of offering up of my sacred wound to the community serves it by me being my authentic self and wearing stories that speak to who i am in this moment.
To quote Cynthea Jones: “The tragedy is not that we have experienced pain, but that we allow it to eclipse all that follows it; that we keep it ever present and our lives unchanged by all of the experiences that follow. What if we were to make our wounds and ourselves sacred by sacrificing them and opening ourselves to the greater story, the story of all that we have become and all that we are becoming.”
And so in making myself sacred, in healing my wounds, in writing new stories of me I ask myself:
So many things ….. but mostly what stands out at the moment (more things will as I have time to process) is how very clear Who I Am was illuminated. At my first Witchcamp I noticed a sharp dividing line in people based on how they run energy and which flavour of energy they ran.
You’ll see sometimes me switching words around in my bio. I suppose it doesn’t much matter what order they are in, but I do it anyway as I try to find the proper wording for what I see clearly at camp. When one is part of a living dynamic tradition that can flux with each additional person that joins it the descriptions tend to vary a bit.
So Reclaiming/Feri. Or Feri/Reclaiming. Or Reclaiming branch of the Feri tradition. All true. The best description however seems to be that I am a Feri Witch who works the energy through a Reclaiming framework. Because when you strip away everything else that is exactly What I Do and Who I Am. At camp there are others who are the same as me and many who are not. Neither is better or worse, correct or incorrect – we are just Who We Are and a full week of close contact, energy working, ritual, and play time highlights the differences more sharply. It always fascinates me, the shining colours dancing through people as they unfold into mystery, and how clearly we are different yet working side by side for common purposes.
It was a good week.
Spot on. Rape culture.
From friend, mentor, Priestess, covener. (Note: It was the 2nd and 4th agreements I had the most difficulty with. I never wanted to give myself any slack. #2 – of course every criticism was correct aka others know me better than I do. #4 – “I could do better! I can ALWAYS do better!” aka self-flagellation.)
Anne Brannen’s ezine can be found here, to which you should subscribe. And get some life coaching while you are there.
On Not Taking Things Personally
Well, I suppose one could take any useful self-help dictum and wield it like a bludgeon on other people; I just hadn’t considered the 4 Agreements as particularly vulnerable. For some years now, I’ve been using the 4 Agreements in my own life, and I’ve been recommending them to students. One of these students, who struggled with the agreements at first but then came to love them, and to recommend them herself, recently let me know that the 4 Agreements Can Be Misused. Dreadfully.
(Brief synopsis of the agreements: 1) Be impeccable with your word; 2) Don’t take anything personally; 3) Don’t make assumptions and 4) Always do your best.)
These aren’t easy agreements, and they do take some explaining. They’re worth it, though. I’ve found my life fundamentally improved by them, and I thank Don Miguel Ruiz, who articulated them for us.
For now, let’s focus on not taking things personally. This is extraordinarily liberating, when used properly. That is, on oneself and not on others.
In general, it means that all the stuff that happens isn’t really about us. The world news, the family news. Not about us, though it may impact us. That’s sort of a relief.
But it gets even more powerful when you move it further in. If I’ve agreed not to take anything personally, then even if someone directly addresses me — with a name, a complaint, even a compliment — or even if the newspaper mentions me directly by name, it is, essentially, not about me. It’s about how someone sees me.
Now, I may find that information useful! I might well need to hear the complaint, or take in the compliment. But I’m not required to. And it isn’t, even then, personal. It’s about how one piece of the energy of the universe is being observed to manifest herself, at one particular moment.
We are so fluid, and we are all part of the same deep energy.
So, used rightly, the agreement frees me to act more powerfully, by helping me detach from other people’s opinions and even my own opinion.
Cause even my thoughts about myself are not about me. They are about something I’m thinking about myself.
OK! Great! So, what’s the problem? How could you possibly misuse this, and use it against other people, when it’s all about how really we’re not even seeing each other at all?
Well, because detachment is not the same thing as ignoring, or supressing, or silencing.
What I want to do is detach from my attachment to being right, to being perfect. And my attachment to pleasing everybody.
BUT! I still get to attempt to hear what other people are saying when they believe themselves to be upset with me. I want to communicate. I want to listen. So not taking things personally does not mean abdicating responsibility for our actions and our words. Oh, no. No indeed.
And it most certainly does not mean telling other people that they need to not take things personally if they’re upset with me. I make the agreements with myself. I am not to impose them on other people. Just saying.
(Still taking private clients, if you’re interested in hiring a coach to help you focus on your spiritual goals; click here to make an appointment for a free consultation, to see if we are suited to each other.)
On Tuesday I had reason and desire to connect my throat chakra to the element of Air. I wanted to release misunderstanding and engage clear communication through my speech. This worked really well and I was very pleased. However, I have been trying to disconnect my throat chakra from the element of Air and I have been thwarted each time.
It has been an interesting wrestling match between the two of us. I have even stomped my feet and whinged, “why won’t you let me go?” But Air has quite the hold on me. This extra verbal side of me is one I have battled in the past. I have no desire to reengage. I have tried many forms of grounding since Tuesday night to be rid of it. And yet it continues.
Because of the relationship I have with Gods, the Universe, and All that Is, it has been a bit of a snarky conversation between Air and I. I have a playful jovial relationship with the various spirits of the unseen world.This is how I communicate with Them, therefore this is how I am communicated with. It creates an ease of engagement that works for all sides. In spite of this I opted to try other more conventional approaches. These efforts have warranted no change in the connection. Bugger that.
I do not want to close my throat chakra. I could and that would solve that, but I need it open for clear speech at the upcoming camp next week and the path I am co-facilitating. I will be singing and chanting at camp, also. I have enough trouble hearing my own voice in song without struggling through a closed throat chakra to boot.
Finally, I asked again, “if you will not let me disconnect how do I handle the excess verbiage so that I can stand being around myself and others will be able to stand being around me, too?” And here’s the answer I received: I was told to continue to speak and to continue to use as many words as I wish, but instead of speaking them to other humans through voice or text medium, I am to speak them to the wind.
StarFinder said: “Whisper your words and your song to the overarching Spirit song that runs through the Seen and Unseen Worlds. Some of your words will drop into the middle of a forest. Some will run down the rabbit hole. Some will reach the stars. Some will float on top of the sea. And a few will make it to other humans’ ears. All of your words will join the song of Spirit. That is where they belong. Pay less attention to who hears your words and more attention to what you wish to say. The point of your speaking is for you, not for everyone else. So whisper, talk, sing, sob, chant, or scream your words to the wind. I will carry them where they need to go and you can release without worry. These are our jobs right now. Let’s do them together.”
So there you have it. This is my task. This I shall do. Hail StarFinder, keeper of my words, Holder of my secrets. May it be so.
I have many and varied thoughts surrounding when a useful tool and a tool meant to be useful gets in the wrong hands and becomes a weapon. I have heard from multiple sides now about a tool that did so many wonderful things for me in finding Joy in living with the other humans (_The Four Agreements_ by Ruiz) being used as such. I was floored, actually, and I should not be because, humans, flawed, yes. But still!!! Maybe because I thought of it as one of the tools in my toolbox and how dare they! (Makes me think of other religions who get their texts abused by some.)
So, if _The 4 Agreements_ could be so easily twisted and used as a method of controlling dissenters, or to keep someone in a toxic relationship, or to excuse awful behaviour …. well, that means any tool could be used that way. Yes, this is not news to me, per se, but I guess I thought my co-religionists, even the vaguely “co” ones had a different set of mores than would allow this type of abuse. Which brings me back to where I always am. No matter how much experience I get under belt, no matter how many self-centered me-first-and-only humans I run into I still default to believing in a general good well-behaved idea of the human race.
I don’t know why that is what I always go back to with much evidence to the contrary. Sanity preservation? Perhaps. Belief in the Life Force which is the Love Force that runs through all of us and the Universe? Perhaps, and this one seems likely. Or at least a big part of why.
For our path at Spiralheart Witchcamp Intensive this year Amoret and I are teaching “The Cornerstones of Community” based on the work done by Diana’s Grove. We have joked about how the flip side of those tools would look and we are all “har har, aren’t we hilarious” because we don’t think they’d be used this way. (Or at least I do not and I should only speak for myself here.) Now – now I’m thinking “har har hard swallow” because they probably are abused, mightily and more frequently than I would imagine. Like the concept of feminism has been. Like all holy texts have been. Like many New Age ideas have been. Like some neo-Pagan and Eastern religious concepts and books have been.
This makes me sad. This makes me want to withdraw altogether from the humans. I will not, though. I know I won’t or I would have long ago. So, if that it true then maybe, just maybe, the reason I default to the idea of the general good of the humans is for that reason – to keep me here and engaged. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Hrrrrmm …. Humans. At times so ill behaved. Yet, I remain.
Oh Em Gees!!! If there is any way possible I could agree with this more I do not know how.
LEAN IN TO JOY with BONEWEAVER 