Category: religious work

Impact and obliviousness

Published on by Boneweaver (aka pjvj)5 Comments

It’s been an interesting 24 hours. I have spent decades underestimating my impact in various spheres of my life. I never fail to “dog head” when my oblivion is brought to my attention. Like, wut?

It has now hit the level of embarrassing. In efforts to keep my ego in check I have put on blinders, and as beloveds shifted away, I thought I spoke into a vacuum. What and how I expressed myself mattered little, I surmised, ignoring that all of us have impact larger than our awareness.

I have been purposely removing those blinders and paying attention in my offline life for about 4 months and with a concerted effort starting 2 1/2 months ago. (Yes, I know the exact date I moved from “things take time” to “START NOW”.) It hasn’t yet bled over to my online life.

In the last 24 hours I’ve been having front-and-center plus behind-the-scenes conversations with a number of folks ~ their impressions of how I present myself online consist of a gamut of viewpoints, covering a great range, but a couple of core things overlap.  It has been fascinating, in the best sense of that word.

What I do know is that my online self used to be a really close match to my offline self, and the chasm between the two has grown. (There are a hundred reasons for it, but none matter to the point I’m writing about.) I started righting that with the magical turn of the calendar page, but it is a slow process, with backslides. Time is the only proof that will show it, so you’ll just have to trust me. Or not. Your choice.

Here on this blog is mostly Boneweaver, keeper of the Dead, chronicler of the learnings and foibles of walking my spiritual path. Other venues have seen SJ PJ, *rawr*ing up a storm. Neither of those is all of me. Both of those are not all of me. (Never will *all* of me be out there. C’mon, I’m pretty open, but I keep more than half of me to myself.)

I desire to pull the edges of that chasm closer together. I don’t wish to eliminate the chasm – the abyss in the center is where the Mystery lies – but I wish to move back to where when I met someone offline who had known me only online they would say, “You’re just as I thought! Except nicer.” (What can I say, text reflects me harshly. I try not to use too many extra words. *looks at length of post* I have really edited this down from what’s in my head – I swear!)

I wish to reflect more of me in all of my online spaces. Compartmentalization of me has not been good for me, and as I have impact with what I choose to put out in the world, it has not been good for others, either.

One thing that I am just getting brave enough to put out here is the art I do. I don’t often see myself as courageous, but with my art, every post is a steeled-nerve act of bravery. I’m taking lessons from someone who has been refining her skill for decades. They are donation-gratefully-accepted-free lessons through Facebook. You can find the first lesson HERE. It is my gift to myself, conquering the fear and rewriting the old story that I can only art in abstract because the skill of realism died with my father.

And now it’s your turn — what would you like to see more of from me? I really am interested to know.

(And I’m going to hit publish before I chicken out, so read through the typos, please.)

And Now We Begin!

Published on by Boneweaver (aka pjvj)Leave a comment

The world returns to routine today, the Monday after the holiday. Even if you work retail or health care where the places never close, energy moves underneath on the first workday back. Even for me, stretching through retirement.

I have PLANS for this year! I have repurposed a journal, I have committed to a thing, and an other thing. I have a loose list of more other things (because tight makes me procrastinate). Already, in day four, I feel the lightness in my body of returning to Joy.

I’m not going to write all of my plans. I’m keeping ego in check and not seeking outside affirmation, therefore I am not listing All The Things in one public post. Because when I listened to the impulse to do so, it was all about ego and not about accountability. Other folks will hold themselves accountable by public proclamations – my history suggests it doesn’t work that way for me. Heh.

Depending on where we are connected, you will see evidence of the things. If we’re deeply connected, you will know of all of the things. If we’re not deeply connected I am guessing it is safe to say you don’t give a hoot about all of my things and that is a-ok and as it should be.

Next topic:

Winter came today. I am not a fan. I get cold easily. Even with the hot flashes – irony to the 10th power, as bodies are weird and live on a scale of “1 to neener-neener” – I get very chilled. And yet!! When I saw the snow lying on the ground and felt the snap of cold air as I let the dog out this morning, something in me shifted and sighed “at last”. Having lived my life thus far in a place with 4 very distinct seasons, my soul has arranged itself to know things according these seasonal shifts.

I arose 1-2 hours earlier than I have for the last month. This is good. This is how I want it to be. I want my days to stretch with possibilities. I desire length to linger in them.

Hail winter! Welcome back.

 

“Justice for the World” Working

Published on by Boneweaver (aka pjvj)1 Comment

Sigil: sowilo for the flash of clarity over the bindrune with Godself oil blend on the corners. The bindrune was created by one of my beloveds, Amoret. The cards are The Arrow of Truth, The Priestess of the Silver Star, and The Balance from the Enochian tarot. All other items live on this altar all the time.

This is on Hel’s altar – for fierce bravery, honouring of the living and the dead, and change that feels brutal.

2015-11-25 12.16.39

2015-11-25 12.17.07

2015-11-25 12.17.40

REBLOG – From Rattle, Roar, & Ritual

Published on by Boneweaver (aka pjvj)Leave a comment
As we move into the week of Thanksgiving here in the US, Clan of the Wildlings has this to say about recent tragic events and the divisiveness that they have spawned.
To those who fear, there is a place set for you at our table should you choose to join us in peace. To those who hate, there is a place set for you at our table should you choose to join us in love. To those who are alone and hungry, there is a place set for you at our table should you choose to join us in gratitude.
So may it be. Blessed be. Aho!

Gratitude Project – not taking things personally

Published on by Boneweaver (aka pjvj)2 Comments

This is one of the gifts of the book, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz that just keeps on giving. I don’t practice it perfectly, as sometimes it takes a few days to kick in depending on how fragile I’m feeling at the moment. This week I was able to practice immediately.

In the last week I’ve had 5 video calls scheduled. One has actually happened and one unscheduled one happened. Three were forgotten by the other party, one was cancelled due to illness. The one that happened is a monthly thing and I originally kept it going after the original purpose of it being monthly was moot. It lasts an hour except this week where it lasted 3 hours. I know! But all 3 felt necessary to both of us. The unscheduled one was suggested during texting with a dear friend and it was a great (not my) idea plus now I’ve used Face Time for the first time!

Now, years-ago-me would have taken the forgotten ones really hard – what is wwwrrroooooooonnnnnngggg with me! Why am I forgotten??? Fear of abandonment triggers, while absolutely grounded in a reality of the past, would have leapt up, grabbed me by the throat, and had me in an angst filled funk in this present if I hadn’t learned not to take things personally. New/current me thought, “Huh. That’s interesting,” and then said, “Yeeeesssss! Free time!” Current me forgot to even tell myself to not take it personally because that is how thoroughly I’ve learned it.

I’ve learned it so well that I forgot to be careful with my other friend who suddenly has all of her time taken with other things and people and our chatting has dropped off to near nothing. I whined, in text, about missing her, and forgot to make it clear (text! it needs so much more effort than face-to-face!) I was merely whining and not whining-how-dare-you! Yes, I am not responsible for others’ feelings, but I work hard not to be the ass who is easily misinterpreted. That is where my direct-and-frank habit comes from, the desire to be clearly understood. (Hint: if you are speaking with someone who takes things personally it doesn’t matter if you are direct-and-frank or the opposite, they’ll take it personally.) My friend didn’t take it personally, but I had to ask to know this, because, text.

Anyhoozle, I find it deeply fascinating that the video calls I initiated scheduling, both sides showed up for, and the ones I did not initiate scheduling didn’t happen. There are varied reasons for that and none of them has anything to do with me. When you learn not to take things personally you know in your bones that how other people behave is all about them, and not a thing about you.

The gift that keeps on giving – huzzah! (And unexpected bonus me time!)

The Gratitude Project, since 2004!

Published on by Boneweaver (aka pjvj)1 Comment

Ground rules: The gratitude project is one post per day about something for which you are truly grateful and it runs from Lammas to Mabon. It can be a big or little gratitude, but no repeats – you can be grateful for your spouse/kids/job/friends, but the reason for the gratitude needs to be different for each entry. This project was started by [personal profile] estaratshirai .  I have been doing it since 2004.

Today I am grateful for sunny skies and low humidity.

The Pagan Experience blog project; May wk 1; Fire

Published on by Boneweaver (aka pjvj)Leave a comment

WK 1- May 4 – Fire –  What ignites your passionate fires? What fuels your spiritual fires? What rages in fire’s destructive wake within you? And, what has healed from the cauterizing flames? How do you honor fire? How will you embrace its transformative powers?

I won’t be answering all of those today. Today I want to speak of the passionate fires that are part of my calling, part of my Work in the world. Weaving. Weaving between the Here and There, this world and the otherworld, and weaving the transition energy on the space in-between. Carrying of souls, cleansing, and supporting the prep for what is next. It is part of my spiritual midwife package. And part of the “why” behind my name, Boneweaver.

It is a thing that fuels that fire within me, this Work. On days like today when I engage in this work – gently guiding a tender soul, supporting the loved one still incarnate – is when I am filled with purpose, certain of my place and usefulness in this world. I am humbled. I am grateful. I am Me in my purest form.

Hail All That Is. I get to be a part of it.