Thursdays with few exceptions are my chemo + days for 3 out of 4 Thursdays. It’s relentless and though the chemo kills cancer cells it also kills my white blood cells who are key to fighting infections. It specifically wipes out my ABS neutrophils that are key immune cells. It’s a dance, for sure, and fatigue is high when my white cells drop.

Today was chemo + with the plus being added immunotherapy that happens on the 1st and 3rd Thursdays.

Today my white cell count was so low they hand counted my ABS neutrophils to see if I could have the Abraxane(chemo). They decided yes as next week is my off week from chemo.

Dr. Malhotra, Mikaela her PA, and I are on the same page about no immune booster (growth hormone) unless there’s no other choice and then we’ll try a half dose because my mast cell disorder causes extreme side effects at full doses. I was so worn out today I slept thru the ice mittens and ice booties part. For me to sleep thru that level of cold is bizarre. But I diiiidd. Lol

I spoke with the integrative oncology doctor to see about getting some tips for working around my borked taste buds from the dietician (I have an appointment with her). I also am starting a virtual exercise program next week. I had my consult yesterday. My follow up with my pulmonologist is Monday. Busy is busy. Oh and later this month I’m consulting with the palliative care team to see about a pain patch so my sleep is less broken. My next MRI of brain is the 13th.

Almost all my hair is gone now. YoungerBoy gave me a buzz cut for comfort. My eyebrows are almost completely gone. In all visual ways I look like a cancer patient. And I don’t feel like one. I know I’m one. Inner me feels healthy same as inner me feels like a younger version of myself. Perception is so weird.

🎉🎉 FUN STUFF🎉🎉

Co-facilitating Rites of Passage was a promise kept made 9 years ago after a Rites class down in Virginia in 2017. The container was gently and sweetly held. The care and flow thru the 5 layers of the ocean was ideal. My stamina held, with a little dip in the last dance, but that was brief. It was the most me I’ve felt in a long time.

Monday brought exhaustion as did Tuesday, but boy was it worth it to be in that space with those excellent people. Every single person there brought beauty and vulnerability to the workshop. 💙 🌊 🐟 🐋 🐳 🏖️