Category: Reclaiming/Feri

I kept a stone on my tongue most of the weekend so my ears had little competition and now it’s acting like a toddler

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The Pagan Blog project, March, Wk 2- Mar. 9- As Above, So Below What do you seek from the Divine? How is that reflected in the mundane? Where do you find your place of synthesis?

I kept a stone on my tongue most of the weekend so my ears had little competition and now it’s acting like a toddler.

I wrote this in a reply to one of my Facebook posts and as I wrote it I realized how very true it was. I was at a spiritual intensive and my part was to support, observe, and not lead or do the talky bits or in any way step into center. I relaxed into my role. I really leaned into that role because frankly, if you’ve stood in leadership in community, stepping back and not leading can be the equivalent of a week long rest for the soul.

Part of this stepping back for me involves pulling my aura in just a bit because my presence can be a distraction. I am a transition priestess; a border-walking, dead-talking priestess. When one walks with the Dust of the Dead in a cloud around one’s feet (picture Pigpen from the Peanuts™ comic strip), well it can be a distraction.

Another part is I am a very verbal person. It is a gift to be so and not so much the curse I, until recently, believed it to be. (Some other blog post I’ll talk about why I thought it a curse.) Being so verbal is not always appropriate so I’ve learned to curb it for periods of time. Here’s the thing, though. It is a key piece of Who I Am. When I curb it I have to later let it loose. If I don’t pay attention to the loosening it is indeed unruly and loud like a toddler. And thus the sentence came out: I kept a stone on my tongue most of the weekend so my ears had little competition and now it’s acting like a toddler.

It reminded me that “As above, so below”. It reminded me that we are exactly who we are and if we push too hard to be other, it squishes out the other direction. It reminded me that we are reflections of the curved black mirror of space, sometimes squished and pulled, but always always reflections of the divine, and always always ourselves.

After all: it’s just a fun house mirror.

As above, so below.

The Pagan Experience; March wk 1; Words!

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Knowledge, Wisdom and Gnosis – What do these words mean to you? How do express these principles in your spiritual work? Is any one more important than the other? Why?

I am fairly loose in the definitions of these words and straightforward.

Knowledge: what you know, not to be confused with Truth. Knowledge can be be “book learnin'” (possibly true) or knowing in your core (true). I don’t try to guess what lives in other people’s core. I concern myself with my own. Especially when I am in teacher/facilitator mode. Role modeling awareness of my truth is the most (best?) I can do.

Wisdom: I don’t claim it, though I think we all have at least some of it. It’s not a label I’m going to be comfortable bestowing on myself, “wise one”. Not because I think it is untrue, but it hits in a weird place like self-proclaiming the label of “elder” – some labels are best conferred, not claimed.

Gnosis: I skip right to UPG (unverified personal gnosis). Love it! Unverified and unverifiable to anyone except me, knowing. This is the liminal space where I meet my Gods, where everyone meets their God/s. That is as it should be. These relationships are personal, private dialogues between us and Them, unfettered by societal constraints of what is supposed to be possible and true. When I step between the worlds, I find it. When I speak to the Spirit House, I find it. When I drop into trance, I find it. I can share it partially within the limitations of speech and written word, but UPG is a thing that is more for me and less for the world. I am quite happy with that.

Importance of each – well, that varies on situation, the Work at the time, and what needs to be done with the knowledge, wisdom, or gnosis gained. It is not an even split and the percentage of each changes as needed.  The ties between them are close and they play off of each other in the creation that is my religious path. Too much of one all the time would reduce all of it. So I think an ever changing goodly mix of the three provides the most long term stability. A stable flexible path is what I strive for and generally accomplish. Go me! 😉

The Pagan Experience; Feb., wk 4; calling the Work into the world

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Wk 4- Feb. 23- Any writing for the letters C or D – I am keeping this familiar format on week 4 for those who have joined me from the Pagan Blog Project.

C: Calling

I attended Winter Witchcamp this year. It is held on a magical isle on a frozen lake in Wisconsin. I am not a fan of winter, but this place was beautiful.

One night for ritual we called a bind rune into being. Actually called it, rune piece by rune piece, with intent, purpose, and ecstatic voices. We called across the camp, 3 layers, 3 runes, over and over and over again, until its magic was formed, its energy as clear and bold as the brisk night air.

The ritual started in 3 separate places: on the frozen lake, on the deck of the ritual hall with a fire blazing, and inside the ritual room. It was so cold that evening and my back ached with the frigid temperatures, but the frozen lake siren-sang my name so I bundled and wrapped and layered, and chose it, as much as it chose me, to start the ritual.

I arrived at the lake, walking on its icy hardness, to a straight line of coloured faerie lights stuck deep into the ice. Our group split on either side of this rainbow rendition of Isa in the ice, raised our voices, and began. “Eeeesaah” we chanted, just slowly enough to feel the vowels fully in our throats before we took a breath. The deck group immediately followed with “Naaauuthiiiz”, and right after we could hear the faint whisper through the air of “Laaayguuz”.

Over and over, timed and methodical like music, emotion-filled and full-bodied like prayer. Eeeesaah …….Naaauthiiz …….Laaayguuz. Over and over, then faster and faster, our frost nipped faces turned upwards to a brilliantly clear starry heaven, chant-calling our bind rune into existence.

Once the island was swollen with our conviction we fell silent.

The three groups gathered in the ritual room and we completed the working.

Isa/Nauthiz/Laguz; the energy bound that evening is carried within all of us who were there, stretching out in our world as we move forward with this Work.

Hail.

The Pagan Experience, Feb. wk 3, work smart, don’t work everywhere

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Wk 3- Feb. 16- Deity and the Divine– This will be the third week’s topic every month and an opportunity for you to share with everyone those who guide, inspire and inform you.

Some sort of shenanigans happened on my blog (I’m looking at you, Loki of the missing socks) when a draft managed to published itself with only the description of the prompt and the word “Hel”. I find this hilarious. But here’s my late post anyway.

I’m pretty tapped out ATM with SJ conversations that feel like they have never moved beyond the 101 level in spiritual spaces where I hold a high expectation of awareness + openness + growth. But, I am in the trad that I am for a reason. That said, while I understand how this can be a call to arms for some, for me it’s like someone nicked my jugular and I’m not gonna bleed out to create a fountain for the racists to quench their thirst.

This sentiment is prompted by incidents at this year’s Pantheacon, but P-Con is far from the only offender. (Oh if it were!) My Gods however like to take long term views of the humans and their flaws. And They’re pretty brilliant at that. Along with all the other directives and instructions and “Hey, why don’t you do this now!!”s there has always been an emphasis on work hard, but work smart. This has come in messages since I was a kid and the onus has been on me to work diligently in my corner of the world because the “It’s not fair!!” that rises in me at global injustice overwhelms to paralysis. This if course does not mean I get to stick my head in the sand, or ignore injustices elsewhere, but when it comes to parsing my energy and finances, do the most good often translates to places that don’t me a couple of grand to get to. (If I ever get to a place of financial security where a couple grand every month is doable – go me! – I’ll reassess.)

And right now I’m bone tired of my spiritual community having not progressed farther in the fight against privileges and abuse issues than society at large. Really? FuckThatShit. (“Really”, whisper the Gods.) They remain steadfast in their insistence that “work hard, but work smart, go where you’ll do the most good” is an oath I should continue to hold. They all deeply value self care, too. Hel, Poseidon, Yemaya, Kuan Yin, Papa Legba, and Cerridwen -so say all. So I shall.

The Pagan Experience; Feb., wk 2

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Wk 2- Feb. 9- Earth– The word “earth” has multiple meanings. What does it mean to you? How do you use its definitions to support your work?

This is a tough one. I don’t center the earth in my practice or on my path. I center beings, of all kinds. I admire and am grateful for the earth. I enjoy its steady support, its unemotional destructive forces, its beauty, and its mayhem. I can hear the trees whisper and the sea sing the songs of my soul. I adore its bright colours, birds, and animals. And still I do and feel and reference all of this from the place of human, through my filters.

I can go days without thinking of it or appreciating it still being under my feet. I can fold in on myself and ignore all outside my home. I try not to, because keeping connected to the earth is part of connecting to All That Is. When I become too internalized in focus and open back up to the world I always notice how very much I have missed it.

This earth may be nothing more than our collective co-created illusion, but what a beautiful illusion it is.

The Pagan Experience Blog Project; Feb. wk 1

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WK 1- Feb. 2- Humanity– How do you define “humanity”? What is your contribution to the collective space of humanity? How does your spiritual path support this definition and contributions?

I define humanity as all of the humans, collectively, and all of the sparks of spirit within the humans, that create “us as a whole” in theory and in practice. In this way I can become discouraged with “the humans”, but still hold humanity with hope. I see “we as a whole” with potential for great good and love. I see we as individuals humans sometimes achieving that and other times falling so far short I grieve deeply. Holding both of these perspectives allows me to not fall into despair while keeping grounded in the reality.

My contribution? A drop in an ocean. Important to the drops around it, I suppose, and necessary to the whole in a way, but easily removed without notice.

My path allows this to be so without resentment, by acknowledging the necessity of all the humans to create humanity as a whole, while not being filled with so much ego that I find myself to be the only, or one of the few important ones. So, the rituals, practices, and collective non-hierarchal nature of my path keep the tendency of humans to feel self-important and indispensable in check. It allows space for everyone’s experience, while not diminishing one’s own. My path also has ideas of self responsibility around it that hold folks accountable for their actions while also encouraging people to be free to call someone on their behaviour if they are being inauthentic or damaging to those around them. This is a form of community (humanity as community) Love that may be hard to grasp for those not walking this path. Sometimes it is hard even for those that are. And my words may not be explaining it well since many books have been written addressing this topic and I am writing a blog post. Ah well, this is as coherent as I can be this Monday morning.

Update: Alive but not particularly social, Work, and an Anniversary

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Soooooooo many things. Mostly, things are happening spiritually that are very important and some of that involves human tasking to complete Work. Good things with Blossoming Bones Mystery School as the class Amoret and I are facilitating is going well and people appear to be running with the Work in wonderful and interesting ways. We have a team of “student facilitators” assisting with the discussion forum and that is wonderful, too. Amoret and I meet weekly to further the class, adjust to any changes in focus needed based on participant responses, etc.

I’m on the RAT (Ritual Arc Team) for next year’s summer intensive so Skype meetings for that. Spiralheart organizational meetings, via Skype, also. Initiate in-person and Skype meetings. Spiritual counseling. Mentoring get-togethers. Deep Listening group just getting off of the ground. And other not for public talking about Work.

All good things! But tiring. And with my neck and back screaming at meetings I am again readjusting my attention to self-care. Because hey! Still! I haven’t learned that I am not a robot! (Even though I know I am not. Stubborn streak?)

Still going to Tai Chi. In the fall my buddy and I moved to Sun 73 forms. It is pretty! It has kicking! (Sorta. Not huge kicks, but still – kicking!) I’m learning round loom knitting. I’ve made a cowl scarf! And it looks like a gift, not a practice piece. ~glee~ I’m now working on a hat, which is a gift for the hubster. Not a surprise gift, though he never reads my stuff, anyway, trusting I will inform him of Important Things. (He is so kind to think of me in this way even though experience has proven him wrong again and again.)

So with the busy I’ve dropped off of the social networks with occasionally sharing on FB and little original posting even there. Time, self-care, my students both online class and initiates, my marriage partner, my kids, my working partner, my coven members, my Gods demands (!!s) – so many pieces and they all work and I even have time for more stuff if I slack on social networks. And so I do.

Plus winter came early.

Plus today is 8 years that my mum died. It is an anniversary that stings greatly this year. You just never know when it will and when it won’t. I am again so grateful that she and I repaired our relationship in the years before she became ill and died. I am acutely aware that the reason this could occur was not only because I wanted it, but because she was a willing participant in healing it, too. I know this is not so for everyone who wishes such a thing and that always plops an extra helping of sadness on this day. Yet I am okay, in spite of the sadness and the big twinge, because I honour Death that is part our cycle, the same as I honour Life.

Blessings all around.

Two and a half years ago, I was reminded of it today

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An Unlikely Trio

Stir the soil and wet the ground to await the root,
stir the cauldron and scrape the sides to await the brew,
stir the hairs and part the knees to
await the seed.

Beltane flickers, white side of the veil to Samhain’s black,
Amid the grays of the in-between
The Ancients mix my blood, wash my marrow, and mend my flesh;
In pewter folds of silk spun with gossamer thread
The pulsing howls of orgasm echo the first wails of the newborn.

Through Life comes Death comes Life again.

Anubis to the left and Isis to the right,
masks and breath and scales and wings;
Embalming fluid in Cerridwen’s cauldron,
preserving not my body
that grows then sags and disintegrates like old paper;
but preserving my Self,
that glows then sings, folds and unfolds;

Origami of my Soul.

The damp scented air releases names
not quite spoken and barely heard,
mute and blind
the blade queries,
Truth revealed in mirrors and glitter bombs.

© Pamela V Jones, Beltane 2012

When the Dead tell Boneweaver Samhain is about the Living, too

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This past week has been an interesting flip on what has traditionally been my Samhain focus. As I connected, sure and happy in this potent time, I was reminded the thin veil is transparent from both sides. As I stepped forth to be with my Peeps in what is usually a celebration of the endless cycle and the Great Dance with my Beloved and Mighty Dead, I was gently turned around, hands settling on my shoulders as They stood behind me, and directed to see Life from Their side and not the Otherworld from Life’s side.

I had occasion earlier in the week to hold space for 2 people, one an adult and one a child, as great pain washed over and around them. I let it flow over me and pushed it far out to join the ether-ocean where it could be transformed by Those on the Other Side of life. Though a few tears slipped down my cheeks, they were short-lived, my Job that day was to direct and push away, not absorb and join the emotional waves. Oh, I had them, those crashing waves, but I commanded them in-and-down, in-and-down, away from the upper world. I “lost it” as the saying goes, in a wee corner of my soul, boxed for a purpose until the work was done. I know me and I know how this goes. I knew I would “crash” the next day, full of fatigue and sorrow. I boxed those things because who I held space for are about as near and dear to me as is possible to be. and the way of being useful and showing my love in a situation where there is no quick fix was to just be there, and hold space.

The next day was a blur as it seemed every time I sat down I fell asleep, exhausted from the energy requirement of the day before. I do not regret holding that space. When loved ones hurt from things that are simply deeply painful and that only time can ease, one of the things we do in my tradition is hold gentle loving space for them. And so I did.

I sent 2 text messages in the subsequent 3 days, remaining mindful of the careful balance between allowing folks room to experience what only they can while not cutting them off altogether. So I held a much larger, more loose space in the following days. The fatigue lingered in lessening amounts each day up to yesterday, which was Samhain. I was away from home last night and I admit I checked my phone 3-4 times for my own peace of mind, but I sent no more messages, continuing to allow space for the other person and to allow myself space to celebrate Samhain in divinatory comradery.

It was a late night. I am once again sleep-deprived, but content. The message I received this Samhain? “Turn around. Look at the fullness of what Life holds from Our side. This is why we repeat – death, to life, to death, to life – to feel the richness from both sides.”

Through Their eyes,

Bone

I will not drag you kicking and screaming to the Work

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You want to learn, you want to do Deep Work. Kudos! I will assist you when you ask and when I am able, but I will not drag you kicking and screaming to it. If you want it the impetus must come from within you not from me on the outside.

I gladly parse out energy to willing people. I become miserly when you wish to lie on your back with the expectation that I’ll grab your foot and drag you with me. Push you? Oh, hayel yes! Catch you when you tip backwards from the force? Sure, as long as the lesson isn’t the fall itself. But if you want it you have to reach for it. That’s what this path is: being the force behind the Will and then engaging Will to be Who You Said You Would Be.

(On a related note: No skipping steps. No, IRAB (I Read A Book) or ITAC (I Took A Class) and now I’m ready to instruct others without all the praxis that must occur in between those steps. If you skip the steps the missing pieces will be spotlighted with time and the community you wish to engage will avoid you.

If you desire to be taken seriously, if your wish is to be Seen and Known and Trusted then you must Do The Work all the way through. You must want it, reach for it, and practice it. And check your ego and ethics every step of the way while surrounding yourself with folks who will call you on your behaviour if it looks like you’ve forgotten to do so.)

You can find those who do it differently than I do. You can find people who will prop you up when a faceplant is the work, who will take your hand and pull you forward while you protest and lean back. They just are not me. I will not work with those folks, either. Just so we’re clear.

/PSA