Category: religious work

Compassion for Self first/Who did I say I would be? (Monday blogging)

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“Compassion for self first” was and still is the only message ever to come to me from Quan Yin since way back when I built my first altar and it was for Her. Having a camp week focused on a story surrounding Her didn’t change that message, though the story message of camp was more about sacrificing for the good of the community as fits the dominant culture from which Quan Yin arose.

This can be a problematic concept for a community that states frequently and vehemently, “You are your own spiritual authority.” So how to mesh the two seemingly opposite views? First you need to break down what sacrifice means. If one of the definitions of sacrifice means to offer up something and make it sacred in the doing then we can see ways to sacrifice that fits our culturally opposite idea of individuality and personal authority.

Sacred Wound

“As seed making begins with the wounding of the ovum by the sperm,
so does soulmaking begin with the wounding of the psyche by the Larger Story.” ~Jean Houston

If I offer up on the altar of life a piece of me that serves my community, it is a gift giving. It is not something that removes anything from me and in the giving I make that piece sacred. If I offer up parts of me that have been wounded, but I don’t live in the pain of that wounding and instead write a new story of Who I Am afterward then the wound itself becomes sacred and my story afterward becomes my gift to my community.

For me to be able to offer such a thing I must first hold that piece of reality that truth has wounded in my soul’s core. I must hold my old story that no longer fits me in my new reality, see the wound created by that, value it for the healing properties that it has, and have enough compassion for myself to see that wound as a gateway, not a barrier to a new, more powerful, and authentic story for myself. By doing this I embody the powerful healing that occurs and I now have the opportunity to be more than the wound, more than my old story.  By creating a new story and writing new patterns for myself I shift which then shifts the realities of those around me. This serves my community. This sacrifice of offering up of my sacred wound to the community serves it by me being my authentic self and wearing stories that speak to who i am in this moment.

To quote Cynthea Jones: “The tragedy is not that we have experienced pain, but that we allow it to eclipse all that follows it; that we keep it ever present and our lives unchanged by all of the experiences that follow. What if we were to make our wounds and ourselves sacred by sacrificing them and opening ourselves to the greater story, the story of all that we have become and all that we are becoming.”

And so in making myself sacred, in healing my wounds, in writing new stories of me I ask myself:

Who did I say I would be?

Verbal Boneweaver is eff’n verbal (Monday blogging early because CAMP!)

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On Tuesday I had reason and desire to connect my throat chakra to the element of Air. I wanted to release misunderstanding and engage clear communication through my speech. This worked really well and I was very pleased. However, I have been trying to disconnect my throat chakra from the element of Air and I have been thwarted each time.

It has been an interesting wrestling match between the two of us. I have even stomped my feet and whinged, “why won’t you let me go?” But Air has quite the hold on me. This extra verbal side of me is one I have battled in the past. I have no desire to reengage. I have tried many forms of grounding since Tuesday night to be rid of it. And yet it continues.

Because of the relationship I have with Gods, the Universe, and All that Is, it has been a bit of a snarky conversation between Air and I. I have a playful jovial relationship with the various spirits of the unseen world.This is how I communicate with Them, therefore this is how I am communicated with. It creates an ease of engagement that works for all sides. In spite of this I opted to try other more conventional approaches. These efforts have warranted no change in the connection. Bugger that.

I do not want to close my throat chakra. I could and that would solve that, but I need it open for clear speech at the upcoming camp next week and the path I am co-facilitating. I will be singing and chanting at camp, also. I have enough trouble hearing my own voice in song without struggling through a closed throat chakra to boot.

Finally, I asked again, “if you will not let me disconnect how do I handle the excess verbiage so that I can stand being around myself and others will be able to stand being around me, too?” And here’s the answer I received: I was told to continue to speak and to continue to use as many words as I wish, but instead of speaking them to other humans through voice or text medium, I am to speak them to the wind.

StarFinder said: “Whisper your words and your song to the  overarching Spirit song that runs through the Seen and Unseen Worlds. Some of your words will drop into the middle of a forest. Some will run down the rabbit hole. Some will reach the stars. Some will float on top of the sea. And a few will make it to other humans’ ears. All of your words will join the song of Spirit. That is where they belong. Pay less attention to who hears your words and more attention to what you wish to say. The point of your speaking is for you, not for everyone else. So whisper, talk, sing, sob, chant, or scream your words to the wind. I will carry them where they need to go and you can release without worry. These are our jobs right now. Let’s do them together.”

So there you have it. This is my task. This I shall do. Hail StarFinder, keeper of my words, Holder of my secrets. May it be so.

Monday blogging delayed (as it is Tuesday now)

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I have many and varied thoughts surrounding when a useful tool and a tool meant to be useful gets in the wrong hands and becomes a weapon. I have heard from multiple sides now about a tool that did so many wonderful things for me in finding Joy in living with the other humans (_The Four Agreements_ by Ruiz) being used as such. I was floored, actually, and I should not be because, humans, flawed, yes. But still!!! Maybe because I thought of it as one of the tools in my toolbox and how dare they! (Makes me think of other religions who get their texts abused by some.)

So, if _The 4 Agreements_ could be so easily twisted and used as a method of controlling dissenters, or to keep someone in a toxic relationship, or to excuse awful behaviour …. well, that means any tool could be used that way. Yes, this is not news to me, per se, but I guess I thought my co-religionists, even the vaguely “co” ones had a different set of mores than would allow this type of abuse. Which brings me back to where I always am. No matter how much experience I get under belt, no matter how many self-centered me-first-and-only humans I run into I still default to believing in a general good well-behaved idea of the human race.

I don’t know why that is what I always go back to with much evidence to the contrary. Sanity preservation? Perhaps. Belief in the Life Force which is the Love Force that runs through all of us and the Universe? Perhaps, and this one seems likely. Or at least a big part of why.

For our path at Spiralheart Witchcamp Intensive this year Amoret and I are teaching “The Cornerstones of Community” based on the work done by Diana’s Grove. We have joked about how the flip side of those tools would look and we are all “har har, aren’t we hilarious” because we don’t think they’d be used this way. (Or at least I do not and I should only speak for myself here.) Now – now I’m thinking “har har hard swallow” because they probably are abused, mightily and more frequently than I would imagine. Like the concept of feminism has been. Like all holy texts have been. Like many New Age ideas have been. Like some neo-Pagan and Eastern religious concepts and books have been.

This makes me sad. This makes me want to withdraw altogether from the humans. I will not, though. I know I won’t or I would have long ago. So, if that it true then maybe, just maybe, the reason I default to the idea of the general good of the humans is for that reason – to keep me here and engaged. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Hrrrrmm …. Humans. At times so ill behaved. Yet, I remain.

Reality can be so painful

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Privilege posts and corporate greed, famous folks revealed to be pedophiles with silence from their collaborators and friends – Ssssshhhhhhhhhh ….. *don the blinders* Not here. Not now. Not my community.

It is time for me to breathe in Love and exhale Compassion for those who understand and for those who don’t. A week ago I recorded a chant on my laptop for a friend in need of an energy send and I’ve been walking around chant-singing it off and on since. Except not yesterday. Today I opened the sound file, sent it to its person, and resumed chanting.

I feel centered again. All is Well.

Tonight’s Alchemeet was fabulous

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Alchemeet is an online community building project sponsored by Spiralheart Reclaiming community. I will try to remember to promote future Alchemeet sessions here as thus far I’ve only been promoting it on Facebook.

Tonight’s subject was taboo workings and specifically around, bindings, blood magic, and abortion. Other topics were discussed that fall inside the framework of defining what is taboo to speak of in community (if anything). Some subjects are assumed taboo based on the over-arching societal construct we live within in the USA. Many fall into the safe-to-shame category with that shame perpetrated around us and against us (all of us).

We talked about how to share resources for these subjects within everyone’s comfort level, and how to open the conversation up in the first place. The folks of Spiralheart on the chat tonight committed to hosting a table at a meal at camp (2 weeks away!). The working nickname of Taboo Table was bandied about with the table peppered with those willing to sit, listen, and share information surrounding taboo subjects.

It was a worthy session tonight with brave, open, vulnerable humans being their best selves while talking about the most sensitive of subjects. Here’s to opening new conversations!

Gender and Transgender in Modern Paganism

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Posting the link again because it was and still is worthy and important work. I like to keep this active.

After the Pantheacon incident a few years ago where transwomen were turned away at the door of a “women only” ritual this is one of the good things that came after that experience. Other good things in terms of dialogue about sacred space, discrimination, and how an event such as Pantheacon should address these issues going forward happened, too. This is a free shareable file for non-commercial use titled “Gender and Transgender in Modern Paganism”.

Read chapter 11 “Boys Shorts: an experience of gender and modern paganism” by Lance Moore for a ride through the USA and varying Pagan circles and how gender was treated and felt by Lance over an extended period of time.

Excerpt from ch 11:

Video from Harvest Moon Celebration, about 1990, somewhere near Los Angeles, CA.

Press `Record.’

Perhaps 150 people, at the end of a weekend of ritual and connection (and unsafe sex, by all later accounts). We’re separated into lines of men and women. It’s dark out.

 The women gather in the ritual hall, a big, open space, bare, but our energies have filled it all weekend.

 The women are singing a couple of lines from – a chant – we sang a lot of chants.

 The men file in, taking places among the women, singing the other lines of the chant; where the sound of the women’s voice went quiet, the men’s filled in, back and forth, interweaving bodies and song.

 It gives me chills.

 I think I am in the wrong line. I am a young female adult. To all appearances, anyway. No one would’ve imagined otherwise. I squirm inside… appreciating every moment of this ritual, and still squirming inside.

Press `Stop.’

I went to about three Harvest Moon Celebrations. They were so amazing; pagans gathering together in LA! Judith Butler rocked my world with her giant book and her in-depth presentation on the chakras. A woman! I went to a great intensive on runes… the book I was working from was not one of the ones the presenter recommended. Bummer. I recently found the name of that presenter, while going through my rune notes. It was Patrick McCollum. How the wheel turns!

 There was no word for ‘trans’ then. In some ways, I didn’t exist.

 …..con’t. in book…..

Walk this way – Monday blogging

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One of my peeps apprenticing with me gets a kick out of most of the same things I do. Today I introduced her to a walking meditation that Dragonfly taught me last year at Witchcamp. It is simple, difficult to master (if you are like me and want to “get ‘er done!”), and effective for connecting outward to the physical world and the Unseen world around you.

When I learned it last year moving that slowly really stretched my limits of patience. It is literally a very slow walk that quiets the mind. Standing firmly one one leg, lift and set the other foot on the ground in a smooth heel-ball-toe motion until the whole foot contacts the ground. Then shift your weight to that leg. Then lift the other foot and slowly place it on the ground heel-ball-toe. Set, lift, place, smoothly from one to other, but ever so slowly.

Having been taking Tai Chi this stepping is much more natural to me than it was a year ago. My mind settles quickly, chi flows, and my senses are heightened and connected. I get into Tai Chi Mind and feel the zen. That sounds trite, but the feeling anything but.

Today we went to the local park and did the walking meditation. The sun was warm, the wee creek was flowing, and serendipity provided our part of the creek with a multitude of dragonflies. We wiggled out toes in the water after meditation, then we relaxed and chatted. We both hit our zen during the walking meditation and the ease stayed with us. It was a lovely space to enter and stay engaged in. I am grateful to have learned the technique and grateful to be able to pass it forward. Good day.

Working with East – Monday blogging

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As a group of us folk work our way through Thorn’s _Evolutionary Witchcraft_ book one chapter at a time (in order which is a different approach for me) I find East perfectly timed with the Spring-to-Summer that is happening now. This time of year/book chapter is all about opening up and starting fresh. It is breathing deeply the green all around me and letting go of the drab dead pieces within and without As I cut what I no longer need from me I also cut the dead parts of the plants outside that didn’t survive the harsh Winter. What no longer serves, goes.

Breathing in the energy of East.  It is softer than South who also removes what no longer serves to allow new to occur. I feel my heartbeat slow, my mind clear, my inhalations ease, and peace flow – in me, around me, and through me. Blessed Guardian of the East, hail.

Flashback 2005 – Monday blogging

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(I missed a week. Oops!)

Back in 2005 an online friend had a witchcraft course running in a forum. The tradition she co-created was Wiccan based. That trad was not for me, but one of the pieces of course work I found very intriguing. It was to rewrite the Charge of the Goddess by Doreen Valiente in our own words  with what the deities mean to us after meditating on the charge. Here is my rewrite:

The Charge of the Goddess

by PJVJ (Modified from Doreen Valiente’s Charge of the Goddess)

Listen to the words of the Great Mother; she who of old

was also called among men Artemis, Astarte, Athene, Dione,

Melusine, Aphrodite, Cerridwen, Dana, Arianrhod, Isis,

Brid, and by many other names.

 I am the cut in the leaf and the tiny insect underneath. I am the wild goose and soaring wind. I am your joyous burst of laughter and your most bitter tear. I flit at the edges of your imagination and tease in your dreams. I am the base of all that you are and that you will become. I am the love – in nature, in art, in music, in laughter, in sex, in you. I am the despair – in light, in darkness, in words, in crowds, in loneliness, in you. I am always with you. I am the Honor. I am the Humility. I am the Reverence. I am the Peace. I am the Joy of All things.

Meet with kindred spirits, once a month when the moon is full, and invoke my presence, my joy, my desire; and fulfill your need. Call me and I shall join you in your rite.  Know that all acts, all manners, of love and pleasure come through me. Rejoice in my presence and raise voice, hands and feet to me. Sing! Dance! Laugh! Seek my wisdom – all of my wisdom.

Hear ye the words of the Star Goddess; she in the dust

of whose feet are the hosts of heaven, and whose body

encircles the universe.

Look up! Look down! I am everywhere. I am here in your house. I am out in the fields. I am above you in the sky. I am below you in the middle earth. I surround the universe with my ample self and I reach inside you and light the flame – of existence, of knowledge, of love, of eternity. Seek everywhere at once for me, but know this to be true – if what you seek you do not see first within you, you shall never find it outside of you.

I am the beginning and end, the above and below, the seen and unseen. I was there to smell your first breath and I will be there blowing your last breath away. And when you rise again I will be there with you. I am All that Is and all that Is is Me.

Copyright © 2005 (Boneweaver) Pamela V Jones

Authority and submission – not always the dirty little words you think they are

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The quotes below remind me of initiation and the joyful giving up of authority in order to be transformed. It reminds me of why we submit, sometimes, for our own greater good. It reminds me of why I did such on this anniversary of my two initiations, each one done at Beltane. It reminds me of how the action of submission to authority allowed the passing of the currents. It reminds me how in so doing  I could become comfortable with my own authority. These energies so vital to my Joy, these energies that run through me weaving threads of connection and connectedness inward and outward, that bind in Love. These would not have been possible without a new understanding of submission and authority. I am so very grateful.

 

From a Diana’s Grove person:

“A safe group, a healthy group, has a leader. Here’s why: if it doesn’t, then no one is responsible for the group’s safety. Here is the other reason: there are no leaderless groups. Groups have overt leaders, acknowledged leaders, or they have covert, unacknowledged leaders.

Responsibility = Authority = Power = Impact = Responsibility.

If you are Responsible you need the Authority to fulfill that responsibility. If you have Authority, you are Powerful. And if you are Powerful, you make an Impact on others. If you Impact others, you are Responsible for that impact. When you act responsibly in your use of power, and when you take responsibility for the impact you have on others, you gain more authority. That is the spiral of leadership.”

~Cynthea Jones

In discussion about authority, initiation, and submission Amoret spoke of a nugget she gleaned from a work by G. I. Gurdjieff (not his quote because this is a summation of what Amoret took from the text):

Submitting to the will of a trusted teacher is important. You learn to submit to another, and in that process you learn to submit to yourself. Later, when your Godself tells you something is necessary, you act according to your Will.

~Amoret BriarRose

Happy anniversaries to me!