Boneweaver

Disability March

I’m participating to be in solidarity with all the women, femmes, and woman-identifying folks in this resistance against the incoming administration. I believe in a level playing field for all. I have degenerative joint disease, herniating cervical discs, scoliosis, and a neurological disorder that keeps me on the sidelines for many events. I’m glad to be a part of this!

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Manifesting to Fullness

At times I forget how much the Universe enjoys assisting in the process of manifestation. Speak your desires, take actions to support them, and notice when the Web of All That Is shakes the strings a bit to facilitate what manifests. For maximum manifestation of desires to be achieved I believe we work hand-in-hand with Creation, each needing the other for fullness.

I’ve been clearing my spiritual plate of all the items that were too shiny to pass on in the moment, but don’t serve the direction I’m heading in. I desire to make room for what is most fulfilling, what brings me the most joy, and what sends useful energy out into the world – the three of those together are the criteria for a thing being an emphasis in my life.

Discernment can be quite difficult when you are attracted to all the glittering bits and I was being easily distracted, so I wiped the plate. *boom* Empty. The decision of what to add back, what new things to plop on it, felt very intimidating at first, so I rode that scary part like the experienced rider I know that I am. I created my criteria to facilitate success from my end while trusting the Universe when something unanticipated is removed from my plate without direct action from me.

It’s an interesting time. Some things I feel will again be in my life in a few months, others I’m releasing indefinitely. In the meanwhile, I can feel the return of space in my breathing, that small pause between inhale and exhale where anything feels possible. What a delight!

“The Barefoot Artist” (movie)

I came across this movie on Netflix and the description was intriguing even though I’m not generally one to be intrigued by documentaries. This one hit all of my points of things-I-find-comfort-and-use-in. Artist me! Witch Me! Community Me! The Dead Me! Ancestral Healing Me! Philosophical Me!

It is a portrait of one privileged fallible authentic Chinese woman as she struggled to find the place that her passions intersect with humanity. So worth watching, even if you disagree with how she decides to engage that intersection. I am happy to have seen it.

SAD/Depression & Grief, Coming Back Up

It would be too long, even for me, to write out the whole of my world since the beginning of November so I’m not going to try. I had a slow slide into mild depression, the first I’ve experienced since my mother died in 2006. It took quite awhile for me to notice it was more than my regular hermit mode of winter. Partly because some days were better than others and partly because I’m lacking experience in depression and what it feels like. From late 2015 and through a good slot of 2016 my life has been full of stressors. Usual coping techniques began to fail and I didn’t really notice I suppose. It was a bumpy up and down and somehwhere along the line I lost touch with my ever present Joy. It was still there, just not accessible as easily.

My downward swing seemed tied to the lack of sunlight in how it progressed so I bought a lightbox to see if this was so. It is definitely, if not wholly, tied to the diminished number of hours of daylight. What had been choice in how I spent my days became not a choice with the depression, and I felt the choice come back with usage of the box. This brought me gobs of relief that was quickly lessened by our beloved 14 y/o cat slipping out of the house unseen and being gone for 16 days. By his actions in the days prior to his disappearing act we assumed he’d slipped out to die even though he has been indoor only cat for 7 years. We had just informed his vet to mark his file “deceased” when he turned by up about 20 minutes after we returned from the vet’s office.

He’s pretty wasted from lack of food and he was severely dehydrated. He is slowly recouping and I have dubbed him the miracle cat. While I have some caution about celebrating a full recovery just yet he appears to want to live and many of the odd signs he showed prior to leaving are gone. My one friend said he decided to go on a spirit walk and this seems more true than any other reason. The vet’s office felt it was likely he’d been accidentally locked in someone’s garage and that’s why it took so long for his return, and why his body is so wasted. We’re just happy he is back. Immediately upon his return the weight of grief over him lifted from me and I realized just how much the lightbox was helping me. The tangle of depression and grief was bloody awful, and anxiety opted to roll in on top of both.

Grief I have experienced before. Some anxiety I have, too, but the combo of depression+anxiety+grief – well, I can’t really express it. I am thrilled to be coming up out of it. I feel better equipped to identify it in the future. I will be using the lightbox until the days are longer. I will pull it back out in Autumn as soon as DST ends. I don’t want a repeat of the past few months.

This post feels very rambly, but I’m not going to go back and try to tidy it up. I expect to return to blogging with some regularity, but my goals for awhile are going to be small, easily attainable, and things that brings me Joy or I’m not doing them.

Art disappeared from my life and that will definitely return. I have missed it so. That leads into my next post …. which is the main reason I wrote this post, to write the next one. I felt it necessary to explain my absence first.

SQUEE!! My art is on the cover, and poetry inside!

Ghostlight, The Magazine of Terror
List Price: $10.00

 

Add to Cart

About the author:
The Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers (GLAHW) is an organization of like-minded writers, artists and enthusiasts based in the Great Lakes Region, but with fingers that extend around the world. It is a collective and compendiums of writers, artists, and fans exploring the genre of horror, science fiction, fantasy, and true crime.

Ghostlight, The Magazine of Terror

Authored by Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers

The Fall Edition of the bi-annual digest presented by the Great Lakes Association of Horror Writers (GLAHW). Horror and dark fiction and poetry by Laroo Jack, Edward Ahern, John Grey, and others, with artwork by Paul Paul Lubaczewski and Pamela V Jones.

Publication Date: Dec 01 2016
ISBN/EAN13: 1539616282 / 9781539616283
Page Count: 56
Binding Type: US Trade Paper
Trim Size: 8.5″ x 11″
Language: English
Color: Black and White with Bleed
Related Categories: Fiction / Horror / General

Already I see the urge to mobilize softening – DON’T LET IT!

Trading morsels of comfort for other folks’ lives.

Already, through shared articles, I see folks taking wee sighs of relief. I see people saying, “OK, maybe it’s not as bad as we think.” YES IT IS. Nothing has changed. Nothing! 

Come on, my fellow white citizens – Don’t let yourself be lulled into ease, into “oh, hey, I can live with that.” Don’t slip back into your comfortable white supremacist thinking. Sure, it’s what you know – and it’s just as wrong today as it was yesterday. Don’t lose yourself in it again.

The articles being shared talk about the President-elect’s campaign promises that won’t come to pass – he won’t overturn the ACA, he can’t really build a wall, etc. What were you thinking? That he could build that wall? Do you know the size of the border?  Do you know what’s at stake for those in power if it happened? The ACA, have you forgotten that Congresspeople only care about being re-elected and most citizens are for the ACA? They may want changes to the ACA, but they don’t want it repealed into the ether. How long have you been watching Washington?

Broken promises aren’t new. Why are you relieved that campaign promises can’t be kept? Did you really believe all the things said to get your vote were doable? If so, you need to do a Google search on the history of winners’ promises coming to fruition by their own hand.

It wasn’t the promises that got people to vote, it was the mindset that posited those things, the psyche that knew one could say any outrageous thing, any promise could be made, and if those promises said underneath that they’d uphold the old order, the status quo, people would gobble that up and vote.

Now is not the time to be relieved some campaign promises can’t be kept – this is not news. This is one more tool to invite complacency, to let you know your life (your cis, het, white, able-bodied life) can stay mostly as is, while everyone else (again, again) has boots on their throats.

Dear Gods, don’t be complacent. White supremacy is still here. It never left – not during the last 8 years, not during the last hundreds or years. Don’t allow your edge to be smoothed away by articles that want you to go back to being silent, ineffective, and a cog in the system. 

Please, please – stop reading and sharing those articles. Don’t let relief overtake your new vigor to fight the system. Stoke that flame of resistance! It is tiny, extinguishable by a thimbleful of water -do not allow it! Stoke those flames of change!

It is the time to RISE, not sit. To keep our eyes open, to shout until we can no more, to stand with the disenfranchised and the marginalized. It is time to put our mouths, money, and bodies between the way it has always been and the world we want it to be! RESIST!